I am so over germs, doctors offices, antibiotics and breathing treatments! Ok so not so much the breathing treatments. With Aiden always having to do them a minimum of twice a day it’s become such a routine that it doesn’t bother me. When I have to do it every two hours on almost no sleep, that is when I am not much of a fan. I am one dark circled, overly tired & now sick momma. Aiden slept from noon yesterday until 3:40 last night. He apparently missed the memo that Adam & I needed sleep too!
As if that was not enough, yesterday was my MRI/MRA. Once again I am hoping for definitive answers so Adam and I know what we are dealing with. I hate the waiting game & hearing that the probability that something very serious is going on. I have too much going on & a family … Hearing that all of my blood work came normal was a relief but also caused a lot of anxiety because that is one more thing that has been ruled out, leading her to believe even more that this is most likely enlarged blood vessels or the beginning of an aneurism. I don’t like phone calls from her now. When I see the doctors office come up on the caller ID now I instantly go into a panic. Not at all helping me to do the following doctors orders of no stress. Not to mention that I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life while in the MRI/MRA yesterday. As if feeling like I was in a coffin was not enough, I had to have a device over my head and be strapped in so I wouldn’t move. Needless to say that 45 minutes felt like forever. On the bright side it is done now & now we wait. Fingers crossed.
This whole thing was really a huge reality check for Adam and I. We have to think about the unthinkable. Our kidlets if something happens to us. It makes me cry just thinking of not being with my kids, but it’s a reality we need to think about. Especially because of Aiden. It’s so hard though trying to think of who you would want to take care of your kids if you couldn’t. Who will love them like you do/would? Who would be the person to entrust with the three most important things in your life? None of those things are questions that I can or want to think about answering. I am praying with everything that this will be easily resolved. In the mean time we have some big decisions to make. Nothing makes you more homesick & miss your family then times like this. I am ready for answers and peace of mind.