This week has been filled with so many emotions … frustration, sadness, anxiety but most recently relief, happiness and joy. I feel like in the past 24 hours I am starting to feel more like myself and realizing how much I had changed and become someone that I don’t even recognize. I am seeing how much I let situations and people effect me & the effect that it has had on every area of my life.
As of Saturday I am no longer a working momma, but a momma who will now not have to miss any more preschool events or field trips, will be able to help out in Kait’s class, will be able to spend time finger painting, playing outside & enjoying every precious moment with my babies before they are all in school all day or are too cool to hang out with their momma! That day very quickly approaching & I am far from ready for it!
I want to have time to spend with my husband again & it not to be when our heads are hitting the pillows in the fifteen seconds before we both fall asleep. I honestly don’t know what I would do without Adam. I am a lucky girl that for the last six years he has loved me despite all of my flaws. He is my prince charming, my place of calm, a place of constant laughter and a place of complete happiness. Even on the worst days & thru the hard times he has held my hand and even if we were not sure how it was going to be ok, he promised he would make sure it was.This transitional time in our lives is no different. He supported me, had my back & said in a only a way that he could that it was time to close this chapter & start a new one.
I want to spend every precious moment with my family & the friends I am so blessed to have & not miss anymore moments.
Friday night I spent more then three hours having a skype date with my bestie. We had not talked more then a couple of facebook messages and a couple of tweets every now and then in more then three months! THREE MONTHS! I never thought there would be a day when life would get so crazy that I would go that long without hearing about everything going on in her world & catching her up on mine. We talked about everything from babies & husbands, to reminiscing about middle school! It was fabulous! I enjoyed every second and after felt so much better.
It was in that conversation that it started to dawn on me that Lo was not the only person I had become too busy for & as I mentally thought of everyone I had really been neglecting even if it was unintentionally made me so sad. It makes me sad that I didn’t know that a good friend of mine had found someone who makes her incredibly happy & that things are finally looking up & going so well in her world. I didn’t know until today that a good friend of mine got into grad school, thankfully after a much needed lunch & shopping date we got to catch up!
I promise to make time for phone dates, lunch dates & to not sleep thru my phone ringing should it ring again at 3am and you need me. I can’t take back the moments that I missed or for not being there when you needed me most and for that I am truly sorry. I promise to do my best to be the best wife, momma, daughter [and daughter in law], sister in law, auntie & friend that I can be. I can’t promise that I won’t make mistakes or screw up, but I hope that even on the bad days you love me as much as I love you.
Thank you to each one of you who have loved & supported me. You mean more to me then you will ever know.